to Be The
If you could tell someone how to be the almost perfect husband, what would you tell him?
Thats the question I posed to more than one thousand wives, ex-wives and widows, nearly all of whom freely offered advice. In the end, I had enough material for a book: How To Be The Almost Perfect Husband: By Wives Who Know.
After gathering all my data a collection of one and two sentence bits of advice from wives to husbands - I set about the task of picking and choosing. What should I put in the book, and what should I leave out? In other words, it was my job to sift through all the advice Id assembled and choose what was truly important to women. I made my decisions, shared the "final cut" with my wife and immediately got fired. (That's right, I got fired by my wife.)
"Thats all you learned!?," she asked. Realizing shed inadvertently stepped on my toes, she immediately followed up with the far more diplomatic, "Mind if I take a look for myself?"
The moral of the story? Even with 1,000 wives explicitly telling me what they needed from their husbands, I still didnt get it. I was just too much of a "man" to truly understand. Thats when my own wife lovingly stepped in and helped me to see what wives truly crave. That said, here are "Three Top Tips for Pleasing Your Wife."
2. Show her you love her
What if youre a man whos married to a modern, "self-sufficient" woman, someone whos fully capable of taking care of herself? Erika, 45, is just such a woman. Yet her request is much the same: "Even though Im strong and modern and self-sufficient, do surprising, sweet, Im-here-to-pamper-and-care-for-you things." As for specifics, consider these:
"Write me little notes and give me funny cards a little more often, like you did when we were courting." Jennifer, 32, married 6 years
"Once in a while, send me a little surprise at work so the people around me are jealous that I have the perfect mate." Marilee, 46, married 22 years
"Light a candle every once in a while even when the power doesnt go out." Linda, 48, married 28 years
"Do what my husband does: When I wake up at 3 A.M. filled with worry, he rubs my back, holds my hand and says things will look better in the light of day. Then he doesnt fall asleep until I do." -- Cynthia, married 14 years
And in the morning, try this: "Bring her coffee in bed and give her a kiss. These little deeds tell me he loves me and that he cares." -- Maureen, married 11 years
Remember: Little things-you-do say a LOT to your wife.
3. Tell her you love her
And while youre at it, follow the advice of Deborah, 42: "Tell her she looks pretty. At least once a day!"
Questions for Reflection or Discussion:
* When your wife is telling you about a problem shes having, are you truly
listening or trying to come up with a solution to offer?
About the Author:
also created the National Best Seller, Always Kiss Me Good Night: Instructions
on Raising the Perfect Parent by 147 Kids Who presented in the childrens
own words and handwriting. His latest project? Retro Postcards on the subjects
of romance and family that you can send via e-mail for free. To view the selections,
visit Shake It! Books.